So at work there is a definate divide between the gays. One one side you have the Loius Vuitton toting queens with the extreme editorial fashion, powdered faces and braids. On the other side is me, with my "fox" mohawk, Down to earth Perry Ellis shirts and an environmentally friendly tote bag (recycled cotton) yep. I'm the hippie / punk kid of the gay scene at work. I totally feel the hate when I'm walking at work "Oh here's that bitch L.A." as they part to let me walk through. When did I become a bitch? Granted I've worked tehre for over 6 months now and I've barely said more than five words to most of the people who work there. This does not make me a bitch. This means I am here to spend my 13 hour shift working. I am not going ot be in the bathroom with the rest of the gays bitching about the bags under my eyes because I didn't get quite enough sleep last night because I was up all night having wild anonymous sex with some drug dealer I met downtown at the bus stop. I'm more likely to say "I didn't get enough sleep lastnight because I was reading this really good book..." insert the odd looks here. I can almost see the gears turning.
I feel like the conversation would go a little something like this:
Gays: BOOK!? What is this thing you call a book?
Me: It's a bunch of papers with words on them bound together...
Gays: Oh! GQ! I know what you mean girl! I love me some books!
Me: That's a magazine, not a book. By the way, don't call me girl. I do have a penis. (I when people speak in She-bonics)
Gays: PENIS! Where!? PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!
Me: um yeah...
The funny thing. I used to be like that. Sure enough come Monday morning I was at work hung over wondering where I got the tattoo of a gorilla on my ass and why exactly my mouth has the faint flavor of falafel and cherry cigarettes. Then something amazing happened... I GREW UP. Gone are those days of sleeping around with random people I never knew the last names to. I have a husband now. (Hi Joe) Gone are the drugs ad drinking binges. I'm sober now. Gone are the extreme fashions, catty looks at my coworkers, the inability to not say somethign atrocious. I have a job now. I plan on working there for a while longer without having someone try to get me fired because i came to wrok dressed as a boyscout on the day I'm going to be audited for complaints about my dresscode violations by HR(Serious Andre' What are you thinking?) I'm a changed man... seriously. It's actually cool being a square.
I am happy with me. I am happy that I am no longer that gay guy. I am not the bitch people claim that I am. I'm just moody. I'm completely new and refurbished, kind of like Joan Rivers' face, just not as shiney. am the boy who wants to make fake cupcakes for the hell of it. I'm not that boy who would start a fight to watch the show, I am not that heart breaker, L.A. Berlin who would lie to you to get what he wanted. I am not the same L.A. Berlin that took a dump in the Rosengard's bushes lastnight.
J'Suis Moi...
Sensible shoes and all.
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